My New Love

I have fallen in love with Mr. Gently Benevolent.  Mr. Benevolent is the arch-nemesis of Sir Philip Bin, inventor of the waste bin and author in Mark Evans's radio series Bleak Expectations.  If you haven't listened to these, your life has been pretty nearly wasted (unless you've discovered a cure for cancer or some such). 

At first I was merely attracted by Mr. Benevolent's Evil Chortle, but recently, while he and Pip (Sir Philip) and Harry were in Outer Space, he recounted the story of his life (Series 3, Show #5 - An Evil Life Sort of Explained), I learned that he is capable of love and finer feelings and, in fact, had loved and lost his love.  A surge of sympathy erupted within me and ... well, love blossomed. 

You might well say that loving a fictional character is hopeless (if not insane), but people do this every day.  They fall in love with what they think a person is, which is pretty darn close to being a fictional character in my book, so they really can't talk.

I announced to my husband that I had fallen in love with Mr. Gently Benevolent.  My husband has only a passing acquaintance with the story through forced listening in the background as he valiantly attempts to complete a sudoku puzzle going clockwise from the outside to the center (because a one-star sudoku just isn't enough of a challenge).  I couldn't quite read his reaction.  It wasn't quite the crushing blow I'd feared but at least it wasn't the look of someone wondering where he put my shrink's business card.

I have no way to proceed in my love.  I know that Mr. Benevolent's first love fairly dripped with goodness and sweetitude and if he is still interested in that, my suit is lost before it is even brushed and pressed.  I am incapable of feigning swooning gentility, even after decades of college and community theatre experience.  Besides, I would be loathe to attract someone with a base subterfuge - even if that is their typical modus operandi. 

I am only capable of being myself ... at least until I am around someone.  I have always been a bit of a parrot, mimicking accents.  In relationships, I have always reflected the personalities of others.  If I appear arch and supercilious to you, well, I didn't lick it off the bushes.   Living with my husband has made me kinder and more forgiving, but perhaps I am internally rebelling and the allure of Mr. Gently Benevolent's evil calls to me like a lorelei, and will send me crashing to the rocks.

I have practiced my own evil chortle for my husband and was rewarded with a look of alarm.  He has a new job these days, a job that takes him away from home for a greater part of the day.  His influence will lessen and, perhaps, that of Mr. Benevolent will increase.  I will be rendered in my very soul, torn between my love of Goodness and my desire for Evil.

What can I hope from this?  That a real life Gently Benevolent will surface and, recognizing a kindred spirit, will sweep me away to aid him in his nefarious schemes?   Will our partnership end in world domination, or am I just some sad excuse for a middle-aged librarian with an obsession for British radio comedy?