Into the Century of the Fruit Bat

Recently, my husband and I got new cell phones. We had old, old flip phones that barely held a charge for more than a couple of textings. Forget phone calls! While Bob used his more frequently, I only turned mine on when I thought I'd be using it:

• Expecting a call from Bob
• Arranging to meet someone for lunch
• Emergencies.

The phone did nothing but send and receive calls and text messages. It made me feel more secure when I was out on the road. It was an umbilical link to Bob.

We are now in utter future shock. Bob picked out the iPhone5 and we now have everything at our fingertips. We spent two days just playing with the phones trying to get things set up and explore. But it doesn't turn off. It only goes to sleep. It wakes up if someone calls and if I want to stop that, I have to put it on Do Not Disturb or something. [Had to have a 10 year old explain things to me.] Then there's Facetime. Bob and I can look at each other when we chat. Oh nooo! How can I play spider solitaire while we talk if he can see me? But then again, I can show him the kitties loving me up in his place.

Siri is my new best friend. "Call my husband!" "What time is it in Hong Kong?" "I'm home now." "I'm at work." I may adopt her. Mo makes fun of me; she's had an iPhone for a few months longer. She had been sending me little (very little - postage stamp size) photos to my flip phone. Show off! I tried taking photos of my cats and accidentally video'd one of them. Probably the most boring cat video ever: Cat looking at floor ... looks up ... looks back down at floor. Why do camera photos look better than photos I take with my actual camera? It's just not fair.

Last night as we waited for a table at our favorite Thai Fusion restaurant, I managed to relay information to Bob about texting that he didn't know. That's because I went to the website and read up on some tips. I was complaining about the stock market app only being set companies (Google, Yahoo, duhhh) while I would want to see just my own holdings when I accidentally called mine up through the internet. Oh, yeah - just what I need: the ability to obsess over my stocks at any time.

We've barely had time to get used to the phones when we received a message from our provider, which has been bought out by another one. We will have to pick out new phones - equal or better.

I'm too old for this.